Charm is the greatest vice.
The charming stand not on the shoulders of giants – but on the shoulders of corpses. Harry Truman said: “I like old Joe. Joe is a decent fellow [].” That “Old Joe” was Joseph Stalin – the man whose only defense is that he might have killed only 20 million people.
Most charming people are manipulative. They make you to feel good to get something from you. Often, this is harmless. “Will you stay late to help me finish this brief,” the woman who always remembers your kids’ birthdays asks. “Of course,” you respond, wondering how anyone would refuse to follow this woman to the gates of Hell.
Our souls inhabit cold, stainless steel pin balls. Back-and-forth we’re thrust through the board, bouncing around so that others may score points. Invisible forces like age throw us closer to dementia and death. More visible forces thrust us into wars and economic crisis. The charming are always seeking to plunk more quarters into the pinball machine.
To a charming person, you are an object to be manipulated and moved. Whether you want to be moved is irrelevant to the charmer. Whether you will be cheated or honored depends on where the charmer needs to move you. Unless you lack your own will or purpose, avoid the charming.
The pathologically narcissistic are also often charming. To survive, the narcissist must make others feel good about themselves. Narcissists without charm make powerful enemies. Julius Caesar made it past the Rubicon, but could not survive the Senate.
Narcissists with charm rule countries. “Old Joe” was likely a great drinking buddy. I have shared Vodka with a Russian mob boss, and BBQ with gang leaders. All of them were very charming – to me. For the right incentive, all of them would have murdered me.
Not all narcissists are evil. Indeed, many are sad cases. Psychologists who treat the narcissistic personality are often more demoralized than all of their peers. A person treating narcissists sees a patient who can’t help but self-destruct. Even if handed life’s playbook, the narcissist will succumb to her delusions. When the narcissist self-destructs, you’ll be collateral damage.
Moreover, the narcissist can never have the intimacy of a deep friendship, either, since the need to self-approval will override the need for self-expression. If I do not know whom you are, how can you call me your friend?
Most charming people want to manipulate you; or are narcissists desperate for approval. If one could avoid one type of person, it would be the charming.
