Have you heard the news! California is going colloquial. The Flake State has revised its criminal jury instructions to avoid the constipated prose of the law and to relate more directly to the people. I have yet to get my hands on a copy of the 2,048 pages of revisions. But I hope to soon.
Herewith an effort to, like, welll, you know, relate to the topic:
"So, like you've seen these like totally gruesome pictures, you know? And a couple people told you what they remember seeing. So now you, like, well, you know, you have to decide, you know what I mean? Is, like the guy the state's pinning the rap on a fiend, or what?
"I know you're bummed that the accused dude didn't pipe up. But, like this is important so listen up: He doesn't have to say a word. He can be, like, totally silent, sit there like a humungous boulder in the waves. The prosecution has to, like, well, prove he did the crime, get it? So don't freak and hold it against the guy for not rapping with you. It is his right to do the silence thing, as in we can't make him do anything, okay?
"And another thing, people. The state really, really, really has to prove its case here, you dig? That means no Ouija boards, no talk lines, no astral traveling, no noodling with your therapists or healers, okay? It's just you and your take on the people who spoke here and all the paper and stuff you were shown, cool? Don't make things up. Try to be reasonable, okay?
"I mean, like, if the evidence doesn't fit you must acquit, okay?"