Fiddling About?
Congratulations to Ken Lammers

Mel's Views On Jews

Here are excerpts from the police report on Mel Gibson's DUI arrest last weekend. Among the drunken chatter? "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Mel's Mouth Goes South Rumor has it he will soon be auditioning for the role of Hezbollah spokesman in the new film, World War III, now being filmed in Southern Lebanon.

Mel made a fortune portraying the world's most famous Jew, Jesus Christ, and he is currently hawking a miniseries on the Holocaust -- perhaps he stars in the series as the commandant with a heart of gold. The Walt Disney Company announced this week that it is no longer pursuing the Holocaust series with Mel.

What's Gibson have to say for himself? Plenty. He's already in an alcohol rehabilitation program, hiding out and licking his wounds.

The police report is familiar reading to those making a living in the criminal courts. "My life is fucked," Mel tells the officer. When a plea for pity doesn't work, Mel then promises to get the officer, telling the cop he'll be sorry he tangled with Gibson.

I wonder what Hollywood celebrity lawyer will make a million-dollar fee defending this routine DUI stop?