Too good to not be true:
I was called to respond to a medical emergency involving a man who was covered in Nazi tattoos.
He had high blood sugar, and was drunk and pretty out of it. We had to take him to the hospital. On the way there, I kept telling him he needed a blood transfusion; and this hospital (which was located in a minority neighborhood) only had black blood.
We got him safely to the hospital. After we laid him onto one of the beds, he started getting froggy. Security had to be called. From behind the security guards, I said: "Get ready to get some black blood."
He moans/growls "Nooooooo!" and sh-ts in the bed. We laughed.
The medic regretted not assessing his state of consciousness by asking him: "Do you know whom the president is?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably unprofessional and all that. Still hilarious.