Although we live in a patriarchy that unenduringly oppresses women, over 50% of men find themselves in sexless marriages. Some beta male just wrote a long article about his sexless marriage for New York Magazine. In typical patriarchal fashion, he blames himself for his wife's failure to honor her marital vows:
With so many couples, especially those with two careers and children, sex just falls off the list, like some dance craze from our youth that everyone’s forgotten.
Do they forget to eat? Or use the bathroom? For a normal male - even a feminized Western non-male like the beta author - sex is as much of a biological need as eating or breathing.
I will wager anyone here that the beta author watches Internet porn and masturbates at his computer. This is not rhetoric. I have a grand on it.
Anyone want the other side of that bet? Thought not.
Of course the beta wants sex. He needs it. It's his wife who is no longer interested. Yet he blames himself. He should blame himself for his lack of a sex life, but not for the reasons he's been taught.
The author is living the typical beta's life. Like all of his Gender Studies professors told him, he is emotionally supportive of his wife. He even does all of the household chores:
I work at home, and as such our house and its needs constitute half of my work. I’ve been a freelance writer and editor for the eleven years we’ve been married, while my wife has gone from one magazine to another, ascending the editorial masthead. As her work has become more demanding as well as more remunerative, the tasks of cooking, cleaning, and keeping track of the children have fallen to me.
He is the American male who "does it all." His reward? On a good day he might find five minutes to watch Internet porn. Then he'll go fold the laundry.
True to form, our beta male apologies for his wife:
When she leaves work, she’s fleeing minions demanding her time: editors, art directors, publicists, and publishers—they all want something and they want it now. The last thing she wants to deal with when she gets home is somebody else’s needs.
This man - who is truly no man at all - is apologizing for his wife's lack of a sex drive. He is rationalizing her breach of the marital vow of monogamy. He is not alone.
The comments are a depressing reminder of the decline of the Western Empire. Men grew up in a culture that lied to them. Here is a representative example of Today's American Man:
Despite my best efforts (I wrote her a 5 page love-letter for valentines day), and efforts to do all the family laundry on weekends, I get the kids bkfst in the AM, get them on the bus, do the dishes most days, but nada. No love for me. It's painful dude. Like it or not - wish I could make my sex drive go away - I have a NEED to be wanted by my wife. But she has no need to see me fulfilled, and she has no need for sex.
Here is another Typical American Male:
I also do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, take care of HER daughter (previous relationship) and pretty much do everything in hopes of a chances to maybe get a few minutes of passion. I see myself fearing approaching her in a sexual way because I'm afraid of the "is that all you think of???!!!"
It's time to re-educate the married American male. Here's my advice: Fuck someone else.
You think I'm joking? Not a chance.
Monogamy means sex with one other person: "The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos "μονός", which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos "γάμος", which means marriage or union." Monogamy does not mean no sex. Monogamy does not mean a life as a monk. It means sex with one other person.
A person who enters into a monogamous relationship but then denies sex to the other, has destroyed the monogamous relationship. A woman who refuses to have sex with her husband is as much of an adulterer as Tiger Woods. Therefore, it is ethical for the non-breaching partner to sleep with other people.
As a man, it's actually your moral duty to sleep with other women. Anyone who'd chain you to a room and deny you food has no right to accuse you of stealing bread. A man who would not throw off his chains is no man at all.
I can, of course, predict the comments. A husband who is not getting sex form his wife should "man up" and leave his wife. Yes, let's examine that.
First, any man who would leave his wife due to an inadequate sex life would receive a feminist scoop full of scorn. "There's so much more to marriage than sex," we'd hear.
Yet those same people who argue that there is much more to marriage than sex would also be the first to file for divorce for infidelity. If there's so much more to marriage than sex, then why do you care if your partner is having sex outside of the marriage?!
Thus, men are ordered to follow this moral code: Sex is a tiny part of the marriage - when your wife denies you sex. Sex is 100% of the marriage - when you step outside of the marriage to seek a release.
Does that moral code make any logical sense? Either sex is really important, or it's not. Right? This moral code fails any logical scrutiny.
It sounds like a slave's code to me. Your wife is your master. She will tell you when and where you have sex. She has 100% control over your sex life.
Is that how you want to life your life? As a slave? Then how can you call yourself a man?
Second, a man who files for divorce is going to lose custody of his children. He is going to lose his home. He is going to pay alimony. He will suffer emotional and financial disaster because his wife broke the vow of monogamy.
Sounds like "manning up" is code for being a chump.
By the way, why doesn't anyone ever say, "Woman up and have sex with your husband"? Isn't it interesting that it's only men who are supposed to "man up" by doing something hard? A woman who doesn't feel like having sex is never told, "Woman up: Even if you don't want to have sex, at least give your husband a blow job."
It's time to start teaching true feminism. Feminism means mutuality of obligations. Marriage means a man and woman are co-equal partners. They share in rights and responsibilities.
Feminism means holding men and women responsible for their decisions. Equally responsible. A woman who refuses to have sex with a man has made a choice. She has deemed her husband unworthy of sexual attention.
It is your wife's right to deny you sex. Yes, it's a breach of the vow of monogamy. Yes, it's immoral. As humans, we have the right to behave immorally.
As a man in a sexless marriage, you too have rights. You have the right to seek sex elsewhere. Anyone who would tell you otherwise envisions enslavement as your end.
How many men who have sex 3-5 times a week with their wife, cheat? Outside of legitimate sexual addiction, it doesn't happen. While a man has a biological desire for "strange," a man can live in a monogamous relationship. Men would be clubbing each other over the heads if biological impulses were immune to an act of will. Monogamy is possible: Zerogamy is not.
If women don't want their husbands "cheating" on them, then women should stop cheating on their husbands. Maintain your vow of monogamy, and you'll never have to wonder if your husband is cheating.
And of course this logic applies to men. A man who deems his wife unworthy of sexual attention has no right to protest when someone else does.