Mary Gold Saves Marriage
December 24, 2010
Is this the greatest article on marriage ever written?
A Monday morning, and my boss Annie was sitting at her desk with tears streaming down her face. Oh dear, someone had clearly died.
Through her sobs she managed to tell me what was wrong: ‘It’s my husband Jeremy. He won’t clean his shower room and I’ve been asking him for a weeeeeeek!’
‘Why not just clean it yourself?’ I asked, baffled.
She was aghast. ‘That’s the trouble. Women like you create men like this. Let’s hope you never have sons or they’ll be bone idle.’
She and Jeremy split up soon afterwards, and I wondered what was quoted as the reason in their divorce. Irretrievable breakdown of bathroom cleaning abilities? Mental anguish caused by excess mildew? Total neglect of the Cillit Bang bottle?
Honestly, does cleaning really matter?
The article only get better. Judging by the comments, women will continue their assault on marriage. Most of the women readers think that women's liberation means always being able to whine about stupidity. Here's a typical response:
Is this article for real? Or is it a joke? I hope this is a joke because if it is real than the author just managed to set the women's rights movement back 300 years.
Three-hundred years ago, women couldn't vote, own land, or even choose their husbands. Long before women's lib, women were able to bitch at their husbands. Has this harpy not read the Bible? Here's some wisdom from 2,000 years ago:
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9.
Jewish dudes over 2,000 years ago dealt with the same 99 Problems as Jay-Z. There's even an entire book of the Bible devoted to women. See Proverbs 31. Men have always hated being bitched at, and men have always wanted a woman like this:
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.