Total Control Over an Argument
December 28, 2010
There is only point in any argument that you have total control over - yourself.
I read a quote like that in some book or website. It seems trite, and yet people contradict it often. And, no, I'm not talking Stoicism or control over emotions. I'm talking about character.
In rhetoric, the Greeks spoke often of character - namely, the character of the person making the argument. Aristotle wrote, in Rhetoric:
We believe good men more fully and more readily than others: this is true generally whatever the question is, and absolutely true where exact certainty is impossible and opinions are divided. This kind of persuasion, like the others, should be achieved by what the speaker says, not by what people think of his character before he begins to speak. It is not true, as some writers assume in their treatises on rhetoric, that the personal goodness revealed by the speaker contributes nothing to his power of persuasion; on the contrary, his character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion he possesses.
Even if you're not "good" in some moral sense: Are you likeable? Do you smile? Do you wear nice clothes, brush your teeth, properly groom and practice good hygeine? Or are you an asshole to people? How's that working out for you?
Oh, but that's all superficial. OK...So what? I linked to research a while back explaining that "charm" can be learned. Moreover, people can be charmed even if they suspect you're a narcissist:
Are narcissists really more popular at first sight? When perceivers were exposed to the full amount of information available from targets’ appearances and behaviors at zero acquaintance, a significant positive effect of narcissism on popularity was found. Narcissists indeed make a positive impression on strangers. This was found for uninvolved as well as for highly involved perceivers. Thus, despite the negative interpersonal consequences of narcissism in long-term relationships, narcissists are more popular at first sight.
Have you ever met Ken Starr? Bill Clinton? Gerry Spence? You might think you hate their guts...Until you meet them. You won't hate them any longer. That's ethos.
A lawyer cannot control the facts of the case. A lawyer can control himself. You can decide whether to be a likeable person. Indeed, in every context and in every argument, the only thing we can control is ourselves.