Henry Higgins or Addison DeWitt?

How to Warm a Nihilist's Heart

Far more enjoyable than watching baseball or football is watching destruction. Not all destruction is the most enjoyable past time, for although something of a nihilist, satisfaction only comes when there's a moral breach. When a person harms a dog or a child, there is sadness. When a person harms himself because of foolishness, there is pleasure. And so I study feminism to witness behavior like this:

A Toronto cop who warned women that dressing like sluts can attract sexual assault was reprimanded and underwent “further training,” Chief Bill Blair said Sunday.

I can hear the men's rights crowd howl! "But the cop was right, Mike. The world is a dangerous place for men and women. It's not right that one must take reasonable precautions to avoid assaults of all sorts. Yet one should. I can't believe that feminism would demand sending a person to brainwashing camp for speaking the truth." 

While all that is true, outrage isn't good for your soul. The battles for sanity and civilization have been lost, and you can either go through life with high blood pressure, or you can relax and enjoy the show. And what a show it is:

The constable’s comment sparked outrage, prompting more than 1,500 protesters to stage a “SlutWalk” Sunday from Queen’s Park to police headquarters on College St.

Women have convinced themselves that being sluts is empowering. Most women who have actually slutted it up for years don't feel that way. Women, less so than men, regret meaningless sex. Sluts

Yet one could logically explain to women that being a slut it bad for their health. It's not simply an issue of moral judgment, as I'm amoral. There is nothing morally wrong with letting four guys run a train on you. Nevertheless, you will feel disgusted with yourself afterwards.

Moreover, pair bonding is harder for sluts. A woman who has had more than ten sexual partners doesn't have a high release of oxytocin - the chemical that bonds women to their lovers. Having a lot of sex makes it harder to fall in love. That's empowering?

I have explained these biological facts to women. My reward has been to be labelled a misogynist and a moralist. Now I preach lies for humor.

"Isn't it horrible that women are called sluts for doing the same thing men do," I say. "A woman should send her 20's having as many sexual partners as possible. She can settle down as she approaches 30." Those are dastardly lies, and yet women love hearing them.

Even Sherlock Holmes, the great detective on an neverending search for the truth, would agree with my approach: "If I tell her she will not believe me. You may remember the old Persian saying, 'There is danger for him who taketh the tiger cub, and danger also for whoso snatches a delusion from a woman.'"